The Dog Murderer

Police still baffled over dog killing:

More than a week after two men snatched a Yorkshire terrier named Princess at gunpoint and strangled the tiny dog as her owner pursued them, Oakland police still don't know who committed the crime or why.

They suspect this was a dognapping gone awry, as the breed apparently is worth money. But then why would they strangle it?

Nowhere in the article do they mention the possibility that this was the work of doggie hit men. Of course it was a dog hit! (When not blogging, I also solve crimes.)

This was the first thing that came into my mind because there is a dog living near me that I want to strangle. It's some little yappy dog and the thing barks for hours in a row with its high-pitched yelp. I can shut the windows and turn up the stereo and I can still hear it. It drives me fucking nuts and I would have no problem murdering it. Heck, if I could afford a hit person maybe I'd do it that way too.

Yes, I'm a vegetarian, but it's not because I don't believe in killing animals, especially obnoxious ones. I just don't like how they taste.

So I've considered various ways of killing the dog. So far a pellet gun seems the best option. Poison seems a little cruel. Burning down the building where it lives would probably work, but I'm not exactly sure where that is from the street, so I'd need to burn down a few buildings to be sure.

But anyway. I'm betting that the dog was yappy and annoying and it got what it had coming to it. That'll shut you up, Princess!