CRIME!

I love reading the crime reports in the Bay Area Reporter, San Francisco's bat-shit crazy gay newspaper.

Aggravated assault: Badlands, 4121 18th Street, January 24, 11:50 p.m.: While talking with another man inside the bar, a man was suddenly surprised when a past acquaintance suddenly approached him. "What are you doing with him?" the man demanded. "Are you sleeping with him?" Before the man could defend himself, the suspect threw three to four punches, which landed on his face. The force of the blows caused the victim to fall to the floor, where the suspect continued to try and assault him. The man was able to free himself by kicking his assailant in the groin, but the suspect continued the assault by grabbing a bottle off the bar, shaking it, and spraying him with beer. The victim retaliated by throwing water on the suspect from a water bottle. Angry, the suspect threw the beer bottle he was holding, missing his target, and then ran out the door. Before the police could arrive, the victim left the bar and went home. The next morning, however, when he awoke he discovered he had a black eye and filed a police report at Mission Station.

That ain't aggravated assault, that's gay drama. And damn good reading.