Life's Full of Smurfs

I have had a backpack full of change (except for quarters) that I've been trying to get rid of forever. I go to one Safeway and they don't have a CoinStar machine any more. I go to another one and wait in line only to have the only one that works break down on the person in front of me. And today I learned that the CoinStar machines, the ones that don't take out 10% of your money for a service fee if you get an Amazon.com gift certificate instead of cash, have been replaced by CoinMaster machines that still do.

Note to banks: fuck you for not taking loose change. You're a bank! If there was a bank that offered free coin counting machines, I'd switch to that bank on principle.

So anyway, I was in Safeway getting ripped off by the CoinMaster, then went shopping. I noticed that the Veggie Patch fake chicken nuggets were on sale two-for-one, so I bought two of them. I only buy the fake meat- this brand and Morningstar Farms stuff- when it's on sale because normally it's also a huge ripoff. Why does a hamburger with buns and crap cost a buck at McDonald's while a veggie burger made out of the stuff you feed to the cows that make those burgers cost four bucks a pack?

The problem when the fake chicken nuggets are on two-for-one sale is that I come home and eat two packs of them right away, thus saving no money and doubling my caloric intake. Somehow, this is someone else's fault.