Overdue Rental

After supposedly being the caretaker of Rent-a-cat for a month and a half, it's been over three. It got easier to take care of him as time went on, not because he suddenly decided to start obeying commands or anything, but because I learned to accommodate him in a manner best suited to preserving my sanity.

Rent-a-cat can be very singular-minded. When he wants to go outside, despite the fact that I haven't allowed him to go outside in two months since I learned it makes him go crazy, he really wants to go outside. That means meowing constantly, clawing at the door, clawing at every unopened set of blinds even though the window behind them is not open and he's broken a few, and especially clawing at me.

The cure for this is, of course, a balloon. Rent-a-cat is afraid of, yet fascinated with balloons. He hides from them, then sneaks up on them and pokes at them with his little paw from different angles. He'll let one be loose in the house for a good four or five hours before he decides he needs to pop it, which he does by extending his paw as far as it will go and poking it with his nail. Then he chews on the plastic.

At night, Rent-a-cat sometimes likes to curl up with me in bed. This is cute as all heck, but unfortunately there are restrictions.

• If sleeping on my back, he can only be on the bed if curled up on my right side, between my arm and my body (basically, in my armpit); head facing out.
  
• If sleeping on my front, he must first walk across my back, then meow loudly into my right ear. Then he will lay next to me between my head and shoulder with my arm out, so that it looks like he's sitting on my bicep. His head will be facing mine.
  
• If Rent-a-cat decides that my chin is a nipple to be licked then nibbled, the only way to dissuade him from doing so is to stick my finger in his mouth or push him off the bed.
  

During the day, Rent-a-cat demands attention at roughly five-minute intervals. This can be in several forms: stretching out by putting his claws on my legs, running back and forth, dragging his toys around, knocking items off of desks and counters, meowing continuously, or walking underfoot.

As someone who works from home and is trying to get shit done, it can be difficult to accommodate his needs, so I find the best approach is to give him some type of attention that annoys him. He barely tolerates being picked up and cuddled, so I do that a lot. I'll also set him on top of high things, which both excites and annoys him since he didn't get up there himself. I'll throw a toy under the couch for him to catch, but since 98% of the time he won't fetch it back to me so that's the end of it.

And generally speaking, I have to make sure at all times he has an adequate supplies of food and water (he won't eat the bottom of the bowl of food, it must be full), and has a clean litter box so he can scatter a trail of it behind him as he exits it, and his favorite chair is free of clutter, and that nothing breakable is anywhere he can break it.

But I mean, other than that he's been a real pleasure. Rent-a-cat will be leaving in one week!