The lady at my gym who uses a personal trainer as her paid friend

She has to stop working out every 10 seconds to gesticulate as part of her story. That is a whole new level of loser.

People who carry Nalgene water bottles around with them everywhere

Are you that thirsty, like, all the time?

People who forward cutesy web animations and start off the email with "I don't usually forward these things, but this was too good to resist!"

Nine times out of ten, you should have resisted.

People who wear cell phones on a rope around their neck

Way to look stupid.

People who talk on cell phones while sitting at the bar

The bar is a sacred social space. Sacrilege!

People who hear their cell phone ring, pull it out of the bag, then take another 5 seconds looking at who it is before answering it

Hearing the entire Winnie Poo song ringtone once wasn't nearly enough. Thanks for the repeat.

People who hold umbrellas too low

Lady, you're four feet tall. You're going to decapitate somebody with that thing.

People who wait until they're inside to fold down their umbrellas,

drenching everyone behind them and soaking the floor when they do. Was it that important to not get a single drip of water on your hair?

People who sit wet umbrellas on the bus seat

This seems rather obvious.

People who pay for $3.00 purchases with an ATM card

You're holding up the line. At least you could look embarrassed about it.

People who clog the kitchen at parties

Excuse me, could you step aside so I can get a damn drink?

People who litter in my neighborhood

Yeah, I know it's a ghetto. Thanks for contributing.

People who barrel out of stores without looking first, especially when talking on cell phones

WATCH WHERE YOU ARE GOING BEFORE YOU GO THERE, OKAY?

People who need a seat on the bus because they're carrying a baby

Maybe before you got pregnant you should have saved up for a car.

Men who blow dry their hair in the locker room, while naked

Dude, I don't care what you do in your own home, but the combination of vanity and nudity isn't appropriate in the hetero gym locker room.

People who eat nuts on the bus and drop the shells on the floor

It's so absurdly wrong I'm always flabberghasted.

Women who think it's okay to tell gay men the intricacies of their menstual cycle

Do you hear me telling you the intracacies of ripping messy gay anal sex? Okay then, keep it to yourself.

People who say "bless you" when you sneeze

Why is that even supposedly polite? I think we all know that it doesn't prevent demons from flying up your nose as was once thought. So by saying "bless you" to someone who sneezes is basically just acknowledging that they've potentially covered you with diseased mucous. I prefer fart behavior, where everyone pretends not to notice.

That one person on the cell phone on the bus or shuttle

If it weren't for you, I could read this book. But now I have to listen to your inane conversation instead.

Supermarket baggers who put all the heavy stuff into one bag

I have to carry that on the bus, thanks. Good to know I won't be able to feel my arm for a week after this.

People in the supermarket who seem to have no clue that anyone else is in the aisle

Keep to one side or I will ram into you.

People who micromanage the burrito process

A little more cheese please. Oh no, not that much rice. Can I have extra guacamole?

People who try to get past you to get out of the subway doors, even though you're getting out at the same stop