People who still don't know how to use an ATM in under ten minutes

It's not 1964 anymore. What's the fucking hold up?

People who talk to themselves in foreign languages

If you're going to be a crazy mumbler, at least do it in English so we can all hear.

People who complain that you haven't updated your blog in too long

I guess you'll have to go out and get your own life.

People who mention the anniversary of their website on their website

Who, even remotely, would ever fucking care?

People who jingle the change in their pocket

Can't you just scratch your balls like everyone else? It's much quieter.

People who spend five minutes telling you about the blog they're thinking about starting

Dude, in the five minutes of my life you just wasted, you could have set up a blog, posted on it twice, had your comments spammed, added seven friends to your friends list, cross-posted three other peoples' blog content on yours, changed the picture in your profile, run out of things to say, got into an argument with your friend about something you blogged about them, then given up on the whole concept having realized that the only people who blog are teenagers, bad photographers, and horrendous nerds who are actively trying to find more ways to stay on the internet longer.

Waitresses who don't run when you ask for coffee in the morning

Hey lady, I'm going to start bleeding out of my skull if you don't put your ass in gear and get me caffeine RIGHT NOW. THERE IS A KNIFE HERE ON THE TABLE AND I'M GOING TO STICK IT IN YOUR NECK IF I DON'T GET MY COFFEE IN THE NEXT FIVE SECONDS.

Restaurant hostesses who introduce themselves after they seat you

Hey, thanks "Laurie", but our little interaction is already completed. Why would I fucking care what your name is? Just send over the damn waitress.

People who say, "I love your Hate Blog, Camper!"

Get a life, InterNerd.

Hotels without pools

Come on, you have 35 fucking floors in the building. Couldn't you have made a little room?

Junkies who vomit directly in front of the window where you're sitting eating

People who stand directly in front of the stage at a concert and get mad when they're bumped into by the people dancing

Sorry, was that my elbow in your face?