People who continually send you pictures of their new kitten

But on the other hand, at least they're not pictures of babies.

People who wear flip-flops a the rock concert, with dress clothes, and/or to work in an office

Has the whole world gone crazy?

Guys who spread their legs way open on the bus, taking up part of your seat

Duuuude, you must have the biggest balls, like ever, if you need that much room. You're such a virile strong masculine man, and not at all a loser with your own penis envy.

People who browse items you're browsing too close to you

Are you hitting on me, or are you just an asshole?

People who enter the elevator and stand in front of the buttons

Sorry if I jab you in the eye trying to press my floor.

People who out-hipster you instead of mutual hipster-flatter you

You're at the hot show in town, seeing the Swedish band in a tiny venue and you run into a fellow hipster acquaintance. Instead of "Hey, I'm so psyched to see [hipster band name with umlats]," he says, "I haven't seen [hipster band name with umlats] since they played at [venue the size of a shoebox] with [first name of a band member] on [indie instrument like mandolin].

Gays in Sailor Hats

Please gays, please. Stop with the sailor hats. It's just embarrassing.

People with two first names

Two first names is a sure sign of crazy. People like to hear their own name, so these chiefs figure "more names, more ego flattering!"

And it's never two one-syllable names like "Dan Bob." It's always "Sarah Michelle" or "Anthony Michael" to make you keep talking about them longer.

I don't have time for this nonsense, so from now I'm just calling any two-namer "Fucko."

People at rock shows who spend the whole concert picking at their earplugs

Children in Museums

Nothing ruins an educational experience like kids.