People who use Friendster to spam you with baby pictures

The pictures of your little joywad on my friends page dilutes my rock and roll image.

People who can't spell 'calendar' correctly

It's not a hard word, stupid.

People who have grammatical pet peeves and share them with you

That's about as cool as having a wheat allergy.

Vegans who talk to you

You know when you're in the middle of a joke about handicapped people then you realize that one of the people you're telling the joke to has a hook for a hand, and you have to turn your joke into an important lesson about excepting diversity or some shit and watch what you say for the rest of the night? Yeah, that's what talking to vegans is like. A big pain in the ass.

Anarchists selling their stupid newspaper on street corners

I'm sorry that my "rules" bring you down, man. What's the "rule" about me pushing you into oncoming traffic?

French people who talk amongst themselves

They're always up to something suspicious. You can just tell.

People who stand in the middle of the sidewalk

SIDE

WALK

Which of these words is confusing, fucko?

Middle-school girls reminiscing about their recent ecstasy party loudly on the bus

Why wasn't I on the invite list?

People who can't go anywhere alone without talking on their cellphone

On one hand, I salute the multi-tasking. On the other hand, would it really be so horrible to spend 5 minutes thinking quietly instead of blabbing incessantly?

People who walk up and down the train or bus aisle looking for juuuust the right seat

Dude, it's public transportation. All the seats suck.

People who don't mute the phone before sneezing, burping, or blowing their nose

I got called out for this today. Oops!

Celebrities who don't talk about their personal lives

That's bullshit. The 20 million dollars you get paid is not just to make the movie, but also to have sex with monkeys and record it on your easily-hackable cell phone camera. Refund!

Wheelchair-bound people who didn't win millions of dollars in the accident settlement

So now *I* have to wait forever for the wheelchair ramp on the bus to deploy because *you* couldn't be bothered to get a good lawyer? Selfish!

People who walk obscenely slow

If you don't have somewhere to be, kindly stay the hell home.

Bus drivers who think they're entertainment directors

It's nice, in theory, that you're trying to keep your passengers entertained. However, if you were actually any good at it you wouldn't be driving a fucking bus for a living. Eyes on the road!

People who cough violently every time they smoke weed

You know that marijuana is not a real drug, right? So why all the melodrama?

Hotel maids who put the "buy the sheets" or other merchandising literature on your bed every day after they clean the room

I'm aware that the new hotel model is that everything in the room is for sale, right down to the lamps and pillows. So kindly keep your fucking junk mail off my bed.

Drivers who are up on your ass when you're in the fast lane but then duck behind you when you try to let them pass

Chickenshits.