People who say "Happy Gay Pride!" who aren't being sarcastic

People who shuffle their feet

Listen, if you're so lazy you can't even pick your feet up while you walk, why don't you sit in a wheelchair so I can douse you with gasoline, light you on fire, and push you off a cliff?

People who don't sweat

What are you made of- Dry Weave?

People riding bikes wearing a bluetooth phone earpiece under their helmets

You take all that good will earned by being a bike rider and squander it by being a cell phone douche.

Lesbians with no feel for crowd traffic flow

What mutation of the gay gene makes dykes stand directly in the walking path of the most people in any venue?

People who wander around the restaurant trying to get better cell phone reception

I guess they won't mind if I wander over to their table and eat their meal.

The guy in front of me at the store who asked, "How much is thems spicy jerky?"

Missionaries who cruise my laundromat for converts

I came here for a load of laundry, not a load of Jesus.

Professional deposit bottle collectors

When you find yourself developing advanced custom-made tools to dig cans out of the trash, maybe it's time to start thinking about getting a real job.

Parents who narrate the grocery shopping process to their children

"Now we're getting some corn bread; the kind that daddy likes. Okay just four more things, we're almost done. Now we have to go get some milk. Where does milk come from? That's right, cows!"

Shut up motherfucker! This is Safeway, not the fucking Discovery Channel.

People who say they're calling to 'catch up' but they're really just killing time waiting to catch the bus

I'm so glad I could fill in those empty seven minutes of your life.

People who write in with additional things to hate

Are you so angry that you feel the need to spread your hatred around?