People who come to your party to flyer for their party

Girls who walk around the gym barefoot after their yoga class

I don't spread my hatred of your hippy bullshit into your room, so keep your athlete's foot out of mine!

People who say the word "blogosphere" out loud

It even pains me to see it written.

Union workers who give you attitude when you walk through their area

Oh I'm sorry, did I interrupt your third mid-morning state-mandated coffee break?

People who respond to the first question in your email and think they're done

What is so complicated about reading to the end?

People who ask you for directions, then also ask the person behind you

If I don't seem reliable, why did you ask me in the first place?

Girls who put on makeup on the subway

Isn't the point of makeup to look good before you're out in public?

People who put their feet up on the bus seat

Thanks for ensuring that every surface of public transit is covered in a fine coating of excrement.

Doctors, lawyers, real estate agents, and car salesmen in publicity photos of them holding lap dogs

Since your profession prettymuch guarantees that you're a douchebag already, the little dog is a grating redundancy.

People outside of the grocery store with petitions for whatever

"Why yes, I am registered to vote in California. I'm also registered to kick your ass if you don't clear a fucking path!"

People without backpack awareness

That thing must weigh 80 pounds and sticks out 3 feet. How can you forget it's there?

Couples who do laundry together

That makes one person to do the laundry, and one person to be in my way all the time.

People who ignore the plane's "Fasten Seat Belt" light

You are an ugly bitch and when the plane hits turbulence I do not want you landing in my lap.

Cashiers who ask you if you "found everything okay"

Isn't checkout time a little late to ask?

Drivers in your lane who treat the speed limit as anything more than mere suggestion

People who say they like "rave music"

So what is, "rave music," exactly? That's like saying you like reading "bookstore books."

People in museums who read off the descriptive plaques to their spouses

"Oh. This is the house he lived in from 1834 to 1836. The magnolia tree is still there."

Was that really worth the effort of speaking it aloud? Now I know another fact, and I really didn't have room for more.

People who bring babies to art museums

Screaming babies + Big echoey spaces = Babies screaming even louder because they like the sound of the echo. I didn't even take Home Economics and I know that.

People who think the elevator won't move until they, too, press the Lobby button

Parents who try to read or listen to music on the plane

Hey neglectoid, your job is to keep your noxious hellspawn from bothering the other passengers, not to catch up on the stock market.

People at the baggage claim who push through the crowd and throw themselves on their luggage, letting it drag them 5 feet while they retrieve it

You know it comes around in a circle, right?

People who make cell phone calls the very second the plane's wheels touch the ground

You had better check that the world didn't collapse without you wheeling and dealing during the three hours you were in the air!

Couples who make out in restaurants

Oh nice. As if you two weren't ugly enough independently, why don't you show us all how you look when you exchange mouthfulls of backwash and saliva?