People who conduct lunch meetings via cell phone while at a restaurant

"Excuse me, miss? Could I buy that guy a side order of Shut the Fuck Up You Fucking Asswad?"

People who start zoning out/falling asleep while on the phone with you

It's okay to say you want to get off the phone. It's not okay to just stop listening.

Gay "Bears"

It's not a "scene," it's a "support group."

People who ask, "Can you do me a favor?" before giving an order

Sick people

Wimps with germs.

Vegetarians

Is the point of not eating meat to be a pain in the ass to waitstaff three times every day?

People who introduce you to their dog

It's nice to meet you too, Scrapples. Do you know your owner is retarded?

People who hesitate before stepping out of an elevator

Careful! You may have accidentally missed the fourth floor and stopped on the level where they throw razorblades and used syringes at strangers. Better check!