camper's hate blog

The new New Yorkers

noreply@blogger.com (camper) — Mon, 18 Aug 2008 23:49:00 +0000

They used to be the toughest bunch of people in the country, but now it's like, "Ooh! A homeless! Let's get out of here!"

People whose email signatures say it's confidential information

noreply@blogger.com (camper) — Sat, 14 Jun 2008 14:41:00 +0000

Finders keepers, beyotch!

People whose emails say, "Please consider the environment before printing this email."

noreply@blogger.com (camper) — Sat, 14 Jun 2008 14:39:00 +0000

Please consider that telling other people what to do is the laziest form of environmentalism there is.

Old people on airplanes

noreply@blogger.com (camper) — Mon, 09 Jun 2008 19:23:00 +0000

Would you please sit the hell down and stop bothering everyone? It's an airplane, not social night at the raisin ranch.

People who have a new baby and a new puppy

noreply@blogger.com (camper) — Mon, 09 Jun 2008 19:20:00 +0000

Is it a cleaning-up poop fetish?

People in other countries who email you

noreply@blogger.com (camper) — Tue, 06 May 2008 15:53:00 +0000

Just when you think the US is the suckiest country ever, you get an email from an overseas business associate. HEY FRENCHIE, EVEN MY GRANDMOTHER IS CLEAR ON THE NO CAPSLOCK RULE BY NOW.

People who pretend to talk to their kids when they're really just thinking out loud

noreply@blogger.com (camper) — Tue, 06 May 2008 01:55:00 +0000

Minus the child, you're just a babbling crazy.

Fast food workers who keep asking "Can I help you?" when you're obviously still staring at the menu over their heads

noreply@blogger.com (camper) — Fri, 02 May 2008 03:17:00 +0000

So what you're saying is that you, the lady standing in front of the cash register beneath the "Order Here" sign, are the right person to assist in taking my order? Thanks, because I thought that if I just kept staring at the sign long enough that food would magically fly into my mouth from outer fucking space. I HAVE BEEN TO BURGER KING BEFORE AND I KNOW HOW IT WORKS.

People who post on your Facebook Fun Wall

noreply@blogger.com (camper) — Thu, 01 May 2008 17:20:00 +0000

It's really not that fun.

People who constantly reapply sunscreen

noreply@blogger.com (camper) — Sun, 27 Apr 2008 03:29:00 +0000

At some point a burqa is the more practical option.

People who brag about not watching television

noreply@blogger.com (camper) — Sat, 26 Apr 2008 21:31:00 +0000

and then spend an hour a day watching television clips on YouTube.

People with uncontrollable airplane gas

noreply@blogger.com (camper) — Sat, 08 Dec 2007 23:09:00 +0000

Lady, if you're going to let out a horrifically stinky fart every ten minutes for four hours then at least have the courtesy to lock yourself in the bathroom.

Phone survey people who start begging pathetically after you say no

noreply@blogger.com (camper) — Fri, 09 Nov 2007 03:44:00 +0000

While I appreciate that you recognize that your job sucks, that wouldn't be my problem now, would it?

People who tell you they're crazy

noreply@blogger.com (camper) — Wed, 24 Oct 2007 23:45:00 +0000

I believe the proper word for what you are is "asshole."

People who point out every non-meat item on the menu to me

noreply@blogger.com (camper) — Wed, 26 Sep 2007 18:37:00 +0000

I can read my own menu, thanks. I'm vegetarian, not retarded.

People who hug you goodbye even when you're going to see them later in the day

noreply@blogger.com (camper) — Sun, 29 Jul 2007 17:58:00 +0000

Sorry, one hug limit!

Couples who narrate the travel process

noreply@blogger.com (camper) — Sun, 29 Jul 2007 05:04:00 +0000

"Okay, it's 8:23 now, which means we have 17 minutes until we board, so we each have time for one more bathroom trip."

Two, two, two times the retarded!

People who talk about living with dignity

noreply@blogger.com (camper) — Tue, 17 Jul 2007 21:10:00 +0000

I dunno, does my dignity look fat in these assless chaps?

People who tell you to have a safe trip

noreply@blogger.com (camper) — Tue, 17 Jul 2007 02:48:00 +0000

How does that help? If you really give a shit call the airport and ask to speak to my pilot.

People who share their philosophy at the bar

noreply@blogger.com (camper) — Fri, 13 Jul 2007 12:42:00 +0000

Should I really live life to the fullest? How unlike the first line of your personal ad that also made you sound really, really cliche.

People who wear a 'party shirt'

noreply@blogger.com (camper) — Fri, 13 Jul 2007 12:40:00 +0000

D00d! Shots?

People who call early in the morning

noreply@blogger.com (camper) — Fri, 13 Jul 2007 12:37:00 +0000

What? Hello? Oh yeah, I'm awake. Just keep talking. Nobody is full of lies and deception before 10AM or anything.

People who have blogs who don't blog on them

noreply@blogger.com (camper) — Wed, 11 Jul 2007 03:46:00 +0000

Take it down. Nobody wants to see your failure.

People who'd like to propose a toast

noreply@blogger.com (camper) — Fri, 29 Jun 2007 05:56:00 +0000

I'd like to propose that we not stop drinking for a round of mutual ego stroking and groping at each other from across the table.

People who stop listening half...

noreply@blogger.com (camper) — Mon, 25 Jun 2007 05:04:00 +0000

What? Sorry I was checking my Blackberry.